She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
