bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
