her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
