dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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