CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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