Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
