I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
