Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
