Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
