Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I still have a little drunk in my system
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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