I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
