I am puke
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Houston, we have a blender
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
