just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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