Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
