john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
