I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
