I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I think people are normalizing furries
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
