I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
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As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
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Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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