I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
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it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
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my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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