Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
