margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
