look no pants
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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