You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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