We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Enjoy the penises
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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