Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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