the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
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