did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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