wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
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You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
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High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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