so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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