ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
