So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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