This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
