that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
