Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
