I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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