Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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