Your mouth is God's brothel.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
