My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
