I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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