You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize