I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
