Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
