I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
