How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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