I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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