i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i need an iv and a liver transplant
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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