i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
so much tequila, so little girl.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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