UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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