Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
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