Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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