What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
i now understand why vodka
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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