her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
