Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I touched a dick in church today
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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