My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
