its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
