"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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