How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
