i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
