There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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