making cat noises will not fix the situation.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
