And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
