could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
