Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
