No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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